This morning I took the time to read through the crucifixion and the resurrection of Jesus Christ,

  "Now after the Sabbath, as it began to dawn toward the first day of the week, Mary Magdalene and the other Mary came to look at the grave. 2 And behold, a severe earthquake had occurred, for an angel of the Lord descended from heaven and came and rolled away the stone and sat upon it. 3 And his appearance was like lightning, and his clothing as white as snow. 4 The guards shook for fear of him and became like dead men. 5 The angel said to the women, “Do not be afraid; for I know that you are looking for Jesus who has been crucified. 6 He is not here, for He has risen, just as He said. Come, see the place where He was lying. 7 Go quickly and tell His disciples that He has risen from the dead; and behold, He is going ahead of you into Galilee, there you will see Him; behold, I have told you.” Mattew 28:1-7

I kept thinking back to how it must have been for Jesus,  all of the pain He endured, for us.  I felt the urge to ask the question, "How was it on that day?"  

What God spoke back to me was so personal, impactful, and it was an answer I was compelled to share.   

"It was a day of great suffering, but it wasn't a question because of my great love for you.  I would do it again, just for you.  I love you that much.  Even if I knew all of your failures and mistakes before hand,  I would still die for your sins.  Just as I have risen from the dead, so you to have also risen from the grave of shame and guilt.  Together with me you have won the victory.  As I am alive, you have been made alive with me.  The past is buried, while you still may have some scars, carry them only as lessons you have learned not as burdens you bear.  I suffered to much for you to be dead in your transgressions and trapped by your fears and iniquities.  When I died, you died with me and I said "It is finished".  Now, as I live, you may choose to live with me.  I have set you into freedom."

Afterwards, I found a video talking about how Jesus loves Barabbas, and it really describes in greater detail what God has been speaking to me earlier. 

Jesus died on the cross for me. For you.  For us. Let us remember His great sacrifice, not only to day but each day, living our lives for Him.  He is the only one who can fill our lives and the only one worthy of our lives.  

For He is risen, He is risen indeed. 

                                                                                                                                                         

Lately I have noticed that the "last week jitters" have been kicking in. I have been in SE Asia 2.5 months and with five more days to go I can feel myself almost itching to go home. Let me just say I love Cambodia, and I loved Thailand and the feelings I have had do not reflect the team or any ministries we have done for that matter. I think we can all understand what it means to be homesick, and that's just what I am. I miss the tranquility of the Norwegian countryside and being able to hear myself think. I miss my friends and the fellowship I so easily take for granted.

However, this is not a post to throw myself a pity party or talk about my top ten reasons to complain. It's quite the opposite. I am determined that for some reason God wanted us to be in Cambodia 6.5 weeks and not 5. There is a reason we are still here and I don't want my feelings to stand in my way or miss what is right in front of my face. I don't want to miss the purpose of the next 120 hours. God does not need three more weeks to move tremendously, change lives, or grow our hearts. He can take all the time in the world, but give Him five minutes, let alone five days and He can flip your world upside down.

So ready or not, I want to give it my all, I want to pour out my heart, live fearlessly and step out boldly for the Glory of God! He has entrusted me with this time in Cambodia to share His love for the Khmer people, how can I not want to do my very best until I step foot off the plane in Oslo, and then beyond that. Because He is worth it, and He has called us to do it. We are called to love our neighbors as ourselves, to think of others more highly than ourselves, to preach the gospel, and to live like Christ. Not only on an outreach but every single day.

I received a greater revelation this morning as I talked to one of my “adoptive grandma's”. She told me “Either I can wake up and be a grouch over the things I cannot change or I can wake up and say Thank you Lord! This is going to be the best day ever!” I want to live like that. Life is so much fuller when we take it one day at a time, and realize how each day, every single breath is an incredible gift from God. I truly believe that each morning, if we take time to have revelation of how much we are loved by God, how blessed we are, and how we really owe it all to Jesus, our lives would be totally transformed.

What I am not saying is that we have to be “Happy! Happy! Joy! Joy!” 24/7 with a huge grin on our face. That is not realistic, we all go through valley's and that is okay. But, I also think that if we choose to walk in the joy of the Lord, count our blessings, and allow our perspective to be constantly in a place of gratitude towards Jesus, then amidst the storm, our hearts will be steadfast and our emotions won't change like the tide. When we choose each morning to live that day like it is our last- and no, I don't mean #yolo- but seizing every opportunity the Lord puts in front of us, loving those around us, and finding joy in the little things, it will be a lot easier to keep that perspective when difficulties arise.

I want to make a choice to not let my circumstances or my feelings dictate my attitude, but to always look on the bright side of life. It's not worth crying over spilled milk, or getting upset over the situations that are unchangeable. When our hearts are in a place of total surrender and longing to honor Jesus and trying to live a life like Him, there is so much grace. He see's when we try, when we are open and have a willingness to live out what we learn. He will so faithfully give us the strength for each new day and the patience to endure the hard.

So here I am, missing home, temperatures under 70 degrees, and still I have five days. Five days to survive or five days to seize.

As the Roman poet, Horace, said “Carpe Diem”, Seize the day.  And so I will, Determined to make these last days some of the best, not because I have to, but because life is more fun with joy in your heart and a smile on your face :)

Insecurity is plaguing our society, creating a catastrophe and comparison is right along with it.  Think about it,  nobody is satisfied with who they are. When asked to say ten good things about ourselves we say come back to me unless you want to hear all of the things that are wrong.  I can tell you those.  You want ten, I can give you twenty.  It just goes to show, our perspective is off, our view point has shifted.  We promote uniqueness and celebrating differences, but somehow girls think that the only picture of beauty is the one they see photo shopped on Cosmo magazine.

It seems to me we are all a thin sliver of confidence covering an ocean of insecurities, and I can be the first to testify.  I can hardly keep my eyes dry as I try to find the beauty that's inside of me. I'm tired of fighting, throwing rocks at the thoughts as they swarm through my head. They land like an atom bomb, exploding any bit of confidence I had to pieces.  It's times like these I only remember every negative thing that any person has ever said.

We want to be done, to stop it cold turkey.  Wake up one morning and everything is perfect. or you're perfect? Which one? Do we want to be done with insecurities or do we just hope that we will change.  That we will become who we think we should be.  The sad truth is, we'll never get there.  No matter how much we fill our lives with we need something stronger to make that switch flip.  We drink so we can be someone were not, so the problem is not the drink in our hand but the thought in our head about who we are.  Don't you remember how mama said you can do anything you want to, you can touch the stars....  but we don't believe it, we don't see it.   Being skinny and wearing makeup, likes on Instagram or on Facebook, none will give you what you want, that feeling that you are enough. Relationships won't do it either, having your worth rest on someones shoulder will not give you freedom.  You need to find it for your self, figure out how to love who you are.

For it doesn't come from outside but within, straight from the one whose blood has covered all our sin.  We are free and we are loved, and the way God created us was more than enough.  Sometimes we just don't see it,  but man someday we have to find a way to beat it.  To believe in ourselves, to understand our worth,  to know that we are loved.  and to accept the way we were made.  Instead of comparing we need to celebrate, let the past be our past and move on towards the future.  We must stop giving people the power to define who we are, for it is only the one who made us who has that authority,  and He declares us worthy, all together beautiful, fearfully and wonderful, flawless, beloved, cherished, and free.

For your identity is not based on the attention you receive from others but trust in the Father, understanding that what His word says is the truth and that we are all fearfully and wonderfully created in the image of God.  There is your proof. "



Insecurities stem from who and what you allow your identity to be defined by.  If you define yourself by your relationships with others, the way you see yourself will ebb and flow depending on the relationship status.  The only stable place to cement your identity is by letting God be the only one who can tell you who you are and what you are worth.  

This is Prom Pa and her granddaughter.  Prom Pa lives outside of Phnom Penh where she spends her days taking care of her four grandchildren while her daughter works in a garment factory.  

My friends and I got to sit down and hear her story.  She was only 20 years old when the Khmer Rouge began.  She told of how she was forced to work, that they did not have day and night but only day, meaning no rest or break from work.  They were fed one meal of porridge a day.  She explained that in the camp they would try and sneak fruit to eat from the trees because they were so hungry.  She said that if anyone was caught eating the fruit they would be killed.  

She told us about being taken by the Vietnamese army and forced to work on a rice farm, getting up every morning at 1:00 a.m. 

When we asked how long she had personally been affected by the Khmer Rouge, she told us "Three years, eight months, and twenty days".  

She explained how difficult it is to think back about those times and that it still is a struggle today.

Listening to her story, I was once again reminded of how perspective is everything.  I have had hardships in my life, yes, but in no way have I or probably will I ever experience something close to what those who lived through the Khmer Rouge had to experience. 

Pram Pa's story is one thing I don't want to forget,  it is something that will change the way I live my life and how I handle my struggles.  I don't know how many times I have said it but I will keep saying it until we believe it,  We are privileged beyond belief! We need to change our perspectives from inward towards ourselves to look outwards towards others.

When we are able to put our focus on others, there is a shift, and the things we take for granted start to be what we are most grateful for.  The little things become some of life's greatest joys.  

When we are educated about the happenings of this world  it is so easy to disconnect ourselves from the problem but when you put a face to the name and hear someone's story it becomes personal and you can't just forget about it anymore. 

The Khmer Rouge may be something of the past but it is still something that affects lives today.  Although we may not be able to change what happened, we can change the way we live our lives, listen to stories, and be aware of the life we are living and what legacy we leave behind.  

Pram Pa does not know Jesus yet but my prayer is that she will encounter the love and restorative, life giving hope that is found in Christ Jesus.  I pray that she will find her Father in Heaven who so longs for a relationship with her and whose heart is breaking for what she has experienced in her past.  

One thing has become certain to me, none of the pain, hardships, or tragedies in this world was ever on Gods heart.  So yes, God is still good and I find comfort in knowing He is broken for those who have suffered, a brokenness so deep that I will never understand.  For His love for each one of us runs deeper than we can say and the plan He had for our lives never involved the sins of this world. 

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, 

and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade. This inheritance is kept in heaven for you, 

who through faith are shielded by God’s power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time.

 In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials."

1 Peter 1:3-6

On Wednesday we took our team to visit the "trash village".  Here lives a community of people who work everyday in the massive trash dump behind their house, rummaging through garbage for hours in order to make an average of $1 per day.  

They pay $7 per month to live on this plot of land.  For every kilogram of plastic bottles they make $0.20 and for every kilogram of metal zippers they make $0.50.  On a good day they will be able to make $1.50

The reality is that those who live here make up a tiny fraction of the 1.3 billion people who live on less than $1.25 per day.

My heart is broken for these people and for the reality of extreme poverty, however I am so thankful that I saw with my own eyes and heard with my own ears their stories.  

It is moments like these where I wish I could gather everyone I know and bring them to this place, so that they too may feel the heart break and be pushed into action.  

We can't turn a blind eye to the reality of injustice in the world today, we were not called to be the generation to sit back and live our own lives.  We need to figure out a way to be catalysts of change, raising awareness and fighting for each individual life.  

These people are people just like us, they were created by God in His image and they are loved as much as we are loved.  They matter just as much as you matter.  

We can not let fear of the uncertain or the risky keep us from reaching out to the poor and the vulnerable.  It is easy to ask ourselves "What can we do?"  But I think what we need to be asking is "What can we not do with the God of the impossible by our side?"

It is not about figuring out exactly how we can change the whole world, but looking to the individual.  What we can do is ask God what is our part to play in this, and He will tell you.  Maybe it is to raise awareness, to commit to prayer, or maybe it is to pack up your belongings and move to Cambodia.  We need people in all areas.  We just need to be open.  

As many hard questions as situations like this raises for me as a Christian, I know that I can have peace and hope in knowing that poverty like this was never on the Fathers heart.  Gods heart is breaking more than we could ever imagine.  When He created this world His intent was for a place that man and God could walk together, but because of sin it is the way it is and we as Christians must do what we got to do.

It will be hard, there will be challenges and you will fail more than once, but God. But God never gives up on us, His Children, His love towards us never fails.  He has equipped us to be His hands and His feet to those like we met in this village.

During my times abroad God is always reminding me of the passage in Matthew 25:35,

"For I was hungry, and you gave Me something to eat; I was thirsty, and you gave Me something to drink; I was a stranger and you invited Me in; naked and you clothed Me; I was sick, and you visited Me; I was in prison, and you came to Me; Then the righteous will answer Him, 'Lord, when did we see You hungry, and feed You, or thirsty and give you something to drink?  And when did we see you a stranger, and invite You in, or naked, and clothe you?  When did we see You sick, or in prison, and come to You?  The King will answer and say to them, 'Truly I say to you, to the extent that you did it to one of these brothers of Mine, even the least of them, you did it to Me.'

Could it be any clearer?  Guys, we have to find a way to engage our hearts in the issues that are on our Saviors heart.  Jesus did not bear the burden of the cross only for you and me,  He died on the cross so that all may have eternal life in Christ Jesus.  He came to bring hope to the hopeless, to be a light in the darkness, to give peace to the restless, and He wants to use us to do that!  He is calling us on a journey together with Him, all we have to do is say yes and obey.  Are we willing?  Are we ready to do what He asks us to do?  Are going to keep the gospel to ourselves, go to church, pray before meals and pretend that everything is just fine?  Or are we going to do something?

"You may choose to look the other way, but you can never say again that you did not know" 

-William Wilberforce

For more information about how you can get involved go to www.grimerud.no